Rage Against The Manger

by Rage Against The Manger

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released 12 December 2011

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Rage Against The Manger Hershey, Pennsylvania

We are not Rage Against the Machine. I don't know why anyone would think that Rage Against the Machine would make a Christmas album. This is a parody. UNNGH.

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Track Name: Elves On Parade
MERRY CHRISTMAS NOW.
MERRY CHRISTMAS NOW.

SANTA'S LOAD EXPLODES, MELTING ALL THE SNOW
EITHER GET THE SPIRIT IN YOUR SOUL OR GET THE FUCK OUT THE NORTH POLE
IN THAT TOY SHOP SURE TO MAKE YOUR JAW DROP
PEPPERMINT CANDY, YO, DON'T CALL THIS A SWEATSHOP
SWEAT IS DRIPPING, DRENCHIN', ELVES IS DOIN' WORK FOR THE MILLIONS
THAT PINE FOR THE GIFTS THEY WANT
THEY DO IT ALL, FOR THE FACES OF THE CHILDREN GET BIGGER
THE COCOA'S COLD. SO IS THE VERSE.

THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.
THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.
THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.
THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.

WEAPONS NOT COOL, BUT IF IT'S NERF, IT'S FOR YOU
NOT ME, I BE THE ELF TAKIN' IT, MAKIN' IT AHH
ON THE CORNER THERE'S A CAROL
IT REMINDS ME OF LINES IN THE SKYLINE
WHERE SANTA LIKES TO FLY, NOW
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS THAT THE ELVES KEEP THE LINE A'MOVIN'.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE TOYS YOU GET THEN WE IMPROVE 'EM.
DOESN'T MATTER TO US FOR HOW MUCH THAT IT SELLS
WE JUST CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.

THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.
THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.
THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.
THEY CAROL ROUND THE FAMILY. WITH A SLEIGH FULL OF BELLS.

ELVES ON PARADE.
ELVES ON PARADE.
ELVES ON PARADE.
ELVES ON PARADE.
ELVES ON PARADE.
Track Name: Sanctify
They're moving, they're family
The carollers subdue me
O Tannenbaum, untidy
The sidewalk is filling
A merry Christmas They wish me
Say Christ the Lord is coming
Their voices sung crudely
They come to march around, carolling
They need you, their witness
To sanctify and sing witless
Your sister's a whore, yes
And then she'll be singing too!
Yes the carols are Latin
I understand nothing.
Only silence I'll accept this.
But they travel now, they're coiffers
On the corner
The neighbors sleepless
They're bearing witness!
And they're right outside your door

Now Sanctify
And they sing outside your door

No precision they're singing
Bear witness, annoying
Unbearing, unnerving
Though still they carry on
Sleigh bells ringing, straining, pa rum pum pum pum pum
Away in a manger, they're strangers
And they need to leave my lawn
O Holy Night, they're ruining
Their vocals need tuning
My wife now is fuming
She walked out with a gun
Out on the corner
The neighbors sleepless
They're bearing witness!
And they're right outside your door

Now Sanctify
And they sing outside youokr door


Fa la la la, And their voice is flat
And their voice is flat

WHO CONTROLS THE ELVES
NOW CONTROLS THE FUTURE.
WHO CONTROLS THE PRESENTS
NOW CONTROLS THE WRAPS.
WHO CONTROLS THE WRAPS NOW
CONTROLS THE FUTURE.
WHO CAN GIVE YOU PRESENTS NOW?

Sanctify
They sing outside your door!
Track Name: I Want A Gorilla Radio
THIS WALMART, THIRD WORLD WAR THIRD ROUND
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET A TOY OR A BOX THAT MAKES SOUND
NO, MOM, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE PAID
I LICK POLES 'TIL I GET MY WAY
CHRISTMAS MORNING, NEED IT FASTEST
ROAST BEAST DEVOURED
RADIO BETTER HAVE SOME POWER
THE FM WAVES, MONOPOLIZED
MARK MANUEL, NINETY EIGHT NINE
PLAY THE HITS, PLAY RIHANNA, MY BLOOD WILL BOIL
PLAY THE CHRISTMAS SHIT, MAKE MY HEART SO JOVIAL
YES THE FM WAVES, I'LL KILL YOU GUYS
RED HOT BRIAN SCOTT, YOU WON'T SURVIVE
BUT WHAT ELSE I WANT, A PHONE TO FLAUNT
LET'S HIT THE BANKS, AND TEXT MY MOM MY THANKS
WIRED PHONE, IPHONE OR AN ANDROID
NONE OF THE ABOVE, FUCK IT. CUT THE CORD.

HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.
HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.
HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.
HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.

LUJACK, THE NEW JACK, I WANT A CAR, PLEASE
PUT A RADIO IN THERE, AND LISTEN WITH EASE
WAY PAST CASETTES AND FUCK MP3S
SOUND OFF. KUUL 101.3
YOU GOT 'EM, OLDIES, THAT JUST AIN'T MY STYLE
CD STOCKING STUFFERS, MOM YOUR STYLE IS VILE
COME ON MY MOM, YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORTH MY WHILE
OFFER ME A BOOMBOX, WITH A RADIO DIAL.

HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.
HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.
HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.
HEY MOM. I WANT A RADIO. WRAP THAT SHIT UP.

IT HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE
MUST BE ON ALL THE TIME
WHAT BETTER PLACE THAN HERE
TO TURN IT UP REAL LOUD?

AHH. MOM. DON'T TURN IT DOWN.
AHH. MOM. DON'T TURN IT DOWN.
AHH. MOM. DON'T TURN IT DOWN.
AHH. MOM. DON'T TURN IT DOWN.
Track Name: Free Food
YUM.
PULLED PORK. WHEE!
COME ON. YUM.

NOEL. I'M A NOELIST.
WITH A NOEL LIST
I'M OUT SHOPPING WITH A CHRISTMAS LIST.
I GOT, I GOT TURKEY TO CRANK
TRIMMINGS AND THE STUFFING
DRUNK FROM THE EGG NOG I DRANK.

YUM.
EAT UP.
THE DINNER IS IN THE OVEN AGAIN. CHECK IT.

IT'S SIMMERED LIKE A GRAVY SAUCE
THEY'RE SMOTHERED ONTO STUFF FOR DAYS
ON ALL THE SLICES
I'LL USE A FORK AND KNIFE TO CARVE THE MAINS
WITH SAGE BUTTER I'M BASTING CHICKEN WITH IT
WITH ALL THE ENTREES THAT FIT
HEY GET AWAY
I'M COOKING ALL OF IT

GRANDPA DID YOU FORGET YOUR NAME?
TELL US STORIES ABOUT THE WAR
AND NO, THAT'S NOT YOUR FORK.
YO, CHECK THE TEMPERATURE
425
ON HIGH
DOESN'T THAT MAKE IT DONE REALLY SOON?

(Happy Holidays.)

BROTHER. DID YOU FORGET YOUR PLATE
I THINK THERE'S ONE NEAR YOU
WITH A FORK, KNIFE, SOON
YO, CHECK THE TEMPERATURE
THREE HOURS BROILED
AND BOILED
CAUSE YOU KNOW I PUT THE TIMER TO ZERO

IT'S OVERDONE
THE TURKEY'S OVERDONE, EXCEEDED COOKING LONGER
THAN THE RECIPE SAYS
HEY GRANDMA
DON'T EAT THE CRANBERRIES
THOSE AREN'T REAL, THEY'RE DECORATION
FORGET IT, SHE CAN'T HEAR ME.

EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.
YUM.
BRING THE STUFFING.
YUM.

(Look at all this food.)

FREE FOOD. YUM.
FREE FOOD. YUMMY.
FREE FOOD. YUM.
FREE FOOD. STUFFING.
FREE FOOD. CHRISTMAS.
FREE FOOD. BOOZE.
FREE FOOD. FOOOOOOOOD.
Track Name: Calm Like Your Mom (Black Friday)
DON'T GET IN LINE LAST.
DON'T GET IN LINE LAST.
DON'T GET IN LINE LAST.
HO HO HO HO HO HO HO LAYAWAY HO HO HO
I BE WALKIN' TALL DOWN THE HALL
IT'S THANKSGIVIN', LOVE THIS
BUT NOW THE TIME HAS COME FOR SOME REAL
CAPITALIST MADNESS (UH)
DON'T KNOW WHAT ADVENT IS
TIME TO GET SOME PRESENTS
HEY SON GO CALL YOUR MOM
DOORBUSTERS COMIN' HOME
THE LINE IS LONG ONLY THE STRONGEST REMAIN
SALVATION ARMY LOITERIN' ASKIN' NOTHIN' BUT CHANGE
SANTA'S MUCH TOO CHICKEN FOR THIS, CHECKIN' NO CHILDREN'S NAMES
GRAB THAT KID'S NINTENDO
CHRISTMAS WON'T BE THE SAME
CLOSE THE BANK, CLOSE THE CHURCH
THIS ONLY GETS WORSE
THERE'S A CHILD ALONE
FIND OUT WHAT HE'S WORTH
IT'S NOT EVEN TEN THIRTY
YOU'RE CRYIN' IN SHAME
FOLLOW MOM'S EXAMPLE
A STATUE ASHAMED
AND SHE ACTS LIKE YOU'RE NOT EVEN HERS.

BLACK FRIDAY. BLACK FRIDAY. BLACK FRIDAY. WHAT? X4
CALM LIKE YOUR MOM
MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT

I AIN'T A CRIMINAL
BUT POLICEMEN ARE WATCHIN' US ARRIVIN'
FAMILIES WALKIN' UP, SO COLD
THERE'S WATER IN THEIR EYES AND
THE CHILDREN LOOK TO ME FOR HELP
WHY YES I SPIT FIRE
SET YOU AFLAME GET THE FIRST COPY OF BOARDWALK EMPIRE
YEAH, YOUR MOM IS EYEIN' ME, WE'RE ONE IN THE SAME
ONE OF WE WILL GET THE PS3 (uh huh), THE WII IS SO LAME (uh huh)
THERE'S NOONE ROBBIN' ANYONE I'M GOIN' INSANE
WASTED BEFORE YOU GO
WHISKEY AND CANDY CANES
THERE'S SOME DEER AND SOME REIGNS
SANTA'S DRIVIN' A VETTE
HE'S A GODDAMN PIMP
SANTA'S DRIVIN' A VETTE
YES I'LL CLAP, I'LL PHONE, I'LL TELL YOU GO HOME
I'LL BE SCREAMIN' MEAN
WHILE YOU SHIVER AND MOAN
BUT YOUR MOM STILL CAN'T BE HEARD

BLACK FRIDAY. BLACK FRIDAY. BLACK FRIDAY. WHAT? X4
CALM LIKE YOUR MOM
MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT

YOUR MOTHER'S ALOOF
WHEN THE STORE IS FILLED
THERE'S A PUSSY FAMILY SAYIN'
LET'S PAY OUR BILLS
NOT ALIKE, YOU ARE CRYIN',
WHILE YOUR MOM IS STILL
BUT GET OUT OF HER WAY
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET KILLED.

YOUR MOTHER'S ALOOF
WHEN THE STORE IS FILLED
THERE'S A PUSSY FAMILY SAYIN'
LET'S PAY OUR BILLS
NOT ALIKE, YOU ARE CRYIN',
WHILE YOUR MOM IS STILL
BUT GET OUT OF HER WAY
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET KILLED.
Track Name: Christmas In The Name
Some of those that have Chanukah
Are the same that have latkes
Some of those that have Kwanzaa
Are the same with no crosses
Some of those that have Chanukah
Are the same that have latkes
Some of those that have Kwanzaa
Are the same with no crosses

CHRISTMAS IN THE NAME OF
CHRISTMAS IN THE NAME OF

Now you view what they sold you.

THOSE THAT BUY ARE JUSTIFIED
FOR WEARING THEIR CASH, THEY ARE THOSE IN LINE.
THOSE THAT DIED WERE CRUCIFIED
SO SANTA COULD FLY, GIVE US GIFTS IN WHITE
SNOWS THAT LIE ARE JUSTIFIED
YOU'RE WEARING A JACKET IN WINTERTIME
THOSE THAT DIED WERE CRUCIFIED
'CAUSE JESUS WAS BORN SO WE COULD SHOP FOR LIFE


Some of those that have Chanukah
Are the same that have latkes
Some of those that have Kwanzaa
Are the same with no crosses
Some of those that have Chanukah
Are the same that have latkes
Some of those that have Kwanzaa
Are the same with no crosses

CHRISTMAS IN THE NAME OF
CHRISTMAS IN THE NAME OF

Now you view what they sold you. (Santa's at the North Pole)

THOSE THAT BUY ARE JUSTIFIED
FOR WEARING THEIR CASH, THEY ARE THOSE IN LINE.
THOSE THAT DIED WERE CRUCIFIED
SO SANTA COULD FLY, GIVE US GIFTS IN WHITE
WHAT TO BUY. IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME
FOR BUYING A BAG WITH THE LISTED PRICE
THOSE THAT DIED WERE CRUCIFIED
'CAUSE JESUS WAS BORN SO WE COULD SHOP FOR LIFE

KWANZAA.


Ugg Boot, I won't wear what you sell me.
Ugh, no I won't view a mall gallery
Fun, new, I want more than my salary
No, Mom, I don't want any celery
No, Dad, I won't view what you mail me.
Hey Santa, don't hog all the cookies.
Ugh, no, I don't celebrate sodomy
No, Mom, I don't want any celery
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
NO MOM, I WON'T WANT ANY CELERY.
UGG BOOT, I WON'T WEAR WHAT YOU SELL ME.

HAPPY CHANUKAH. UNNNGH.
Track Name: Shop Now In The Fire
YAAAAAAAA
THIS COAT IS MY EXPENSE
'LECTRONICS MY DESIRE
SANTA'S STORE IS FULL OF PRESENTS
BUT IT'S PROTECTED WITH FIRE
SO PUNCH THAT BITCH
AND STOMP HER DOWN
BUY IPADS 'CAUSE YOU NEED
TO MAKE YOUR FAMILY SUPER HAPPY
SO MAKE THAT DUMBASS BLEED
COME WITH ME IN TO TOMORROW
WE'LL HIT BEST BUY AND SAVE
I'LL SLIT YOUR CHILDREN'S THROATS
HALF OFF TV'S TO BLAME

SAVE. SAVE.
SHOP NOW IN THE FIRE.
SAVE. SAVE.
SHOP NOW IN THE FIRE.

HD IS SO EXPENSIVE
SEASON 2 OF THE WIRE
THEY GOT 15 DOLLAR BLURAYS
I PROTECT THEM WITH FIRE.
I AM THE MEANER. THE LEANER. THE SHOPPER YOU FEAR
I'LL LOOSEN AND RAPE ALL
THESE DEALS THAT I SEE-AH
THE TRILOGY OF BOURNES
LETTERS FROM IWOJIMA
YOU LOOK LIKE A CRIER
SHOP NOW IN THE FIRE

SAVE. SAVE.
SHOP NOW IN THE FIRE.
SAVE. SAVE.
SHOP NOW IN THE FIRE.

THE BIGGEST SALE IN HISTORY
YOU'LL MEET MY DODGE RAM'S GRILL
THERE IS NO OTHER PILL TO TAKE
SO I'LL TAKE THE ONE
THAT LETS ME KILL
THE MEANER, THE LEANER, THE SHOPPER YOU FEAR
I SAVE ON AND RAPE ALL
THESE DEALS THAT I SEE-AH
5 FOR ONE ON PORN
A 30 RACK OF ZIMA
THIS IS ALL I DESIRE
SHOP NOW IN THE FIRE
Track Name: Wake Up (It's Christmas!)
COME ON. UNGH.

MISTA CONSPIRACY, YOU HEAR ME?

SANTA.
UNGH.

YOU KNOW THE STORIES, THEY'VE SAID IT
THE CHILDREN HAVE READ IT
THE TRUTH, I'MMA DEAD IT
REALITY, RESET IT
SHOPPING WITH A FURY FOR IPADS AND NIFTY GIFTS
THEY MAKE YOU WANT TO GET IT
MADE BELIEVE ON DECEPTIVE SHIT
RUDOLPH, HE WAS A REINDEER THAT FLEW UP
A GLOW IN HIS NOSE, AND
SANTA BUMPING SOME BLOW
IN HIS SLEIGH YO, IT'S BULLSHIT MYTHOLOGY
FLIES IN THE AIR IN THE CORPORATOCRACY

CHRISTMAS COMES AND CHRISTMAS GOES
BOWS OF HOLLY BURN BRIGHT
WHEN HIS SLEIGH-BELLS TOLL
'CAUSE ALL THESE KIDS
HAVE PRESENTS IN THEIR BEDS
AND BOUGHT OUT BY THEIR PARENTS, THEIR UNCLES, THEIR AUNTS
GET INTO DEBT AND KEEP YOUR CHILDREN CALM
YOU KNOW THEY DON'T GIVE YOU GIFTS
IF YOU CELEBRATE RAMADAN
THEY GAVE THE CREDIT TO THE HAVE-NOTS
AND THEY CAME TO SHOP.


MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I'LL OCCUPY YOUR MIND ON FLEX
SANTA IS A FIGURE, SYMBOL AND PRETEXT OF GLOBAL MESS
WHAT DO I GOT TO, WHAT DO I GOT TO DO TO WAKE YOU UP
YOUR KIDS ARE BOUGHT, THEY'RE TAKEN UP AND TAUGHT
THEY BETTER WATCH OUT AND THEY BETTER NOT CRY
THEY BETTER NOT POUT OR THEY'RE GOING TO DIE
SET THE TONE, THEN GIVE THEM GIFTS AND BUY THEM PRESENTS
IF THEY START TO STEP THEY GIVE THEM COAL AND BURN YOUR RESIDENCE
YEAH, ROB SEVERAL FEDERAL BANKS
AND PAY THE CREDIT I'M INDEBTED
AT THE PRICE OF IMPRISONMENT
KIDS NEED THEIR GIFTS
AND IF YOU DON'T THEY DECLARE WAR
JINGLE JINGLE BELLS, GO TO HELL, THEY'LL KILL YOU ALL
CONSPIRACY WORK, KEEP YOUR CHILDREN CALM
YOU KNOW THEY MURDER DADS
WHEN THEY DON'T BUY FOR THEY SONS
THEY GAVE THE CREDIT TO THE HAVE-NOTS
AND THEY CAME TO SHOP.

'CAUSE SANTA'S FLYING OVERHEAD
'CAUSE SANTA'S FLYING OVERHEAAAAAAD.
I THINK IT'S SANTA CLAUS.
I THINK IT'S SANTA CLAUS.
I THINK IT'S SANTA CLAUS.
I THINK IT'S SANTA CLAUS.

SANTA
SATAN
SANTA
SATAN

HOW LONG? NOT LONG.
IT'S BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.